I mentioned on my 6 month Anniversary that while it was the halfway point, and it was a nice even number, months 7 and 8 held some significance as well. The seven month anniversary has finally arrived. 7 months is significant for a number of reasons, but they mainly fall under one major heading. 7 months is the longest I have ever consecutively been out of my home country. And its the longest consecutive stay in the Kingdom of any non-compound westerner that I know here (those that actually want to go home), they may have been in the Kingdom longer, but not without slipping off to Dubai, Bahrain, Egypt or their home country every 3-4 months. Seven months is something that I'm proud of. I'm not going to say that it changed anything in reality, it just did me the double edged "favor" of shattering some illusions. The first 5 months damn near broke me. It truly took me to my knees and with the exception of people who have done similar craziness, it isn't something I can explain or you can understand. Just know that 5 months of solitude exposes cracks in your life and persona you didn't know were there. I don't mean you were hiding them from yourself, I mean seriously you didn't even know they were there. Midway through month 5 and into month 6, I had met friends. I knew a safe driver, I knew how to communicate, I knew where to go, I felt totally safe in my apartment and running on the beach every night, everybody at the stores I go to knew me and said hi, I had found a party to go to, I had gotten drunk, I had danced with a woman, I had gotten to speak more than a few sentences of English. Right at the beginning of 6, I knew I was going to be alright, prior to that though, it had still been an up in the air question. At the beginning of 6, I also knew that I was losing my wife and my marriage. I contemplated not putting that in here, but seriously what kind of personal experience blog would this be without it. That was and will probably remain the most complicated, double edged, painful/happy paradox that I've ever been through in my life. Some of its just for me to know, some of it I'll never figure out and I guess the rest is for you. I'll say this though, in terms of paradoxes this one is good. It was the right move, it was definitely what the time called for, and it was probably long overdue. As the day passes and becomes just another day, I realize that this isn't the most action packed place in the world for me to be, but it isn't that bad either...I think its a little like High School in the States...You feel like you're just treading water until you get out, its not that bad, but its not really living either. However, if things continue to go the way they have been, well hell by the time my contract is up I'll have something to do every day and life here will become as busy as it was at home.
***Oh, and a lot of people have said "oh I saw that coming" which I must admit makes me say "really? you did? in your crystal ball? Well good for you, Now, why don't you take that F-ing ball and shove..." never mind, you get the point. Its going to be weird, her and I are on the best of terms, we don't hate each other, we don't even want each other to be miserable, in fact we want each other to be happy, on the surface that won't be a problem, but deeper down that's going to be easier said than done. Good thing or not, I'll always question whether or not it was the right thing. I'll surely have my moments of doubt. I got married late and got married for life, so now I have to sort my own shit out in my head...I think that will just take time. Luckily though, I'm in the KSA and brother, I got nothing but time.***