If you've read any of this blog, you know why I came here, you know what I've done and know what has happened. What you didn't know was that I've been neglecting some of my own issues at home in an attempt to make things easier...or rather keep everything friendly...or better yet and most truthfully, put off dealing with the things I needed to deal with. Now, those of you young people, or non deep thinkers or just plain idiots think that what I mean is that I didn't want to deal with the divorce. That maybe I'm still in Love with her. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was there, in the Lawyers office after an 8 hour drive, Hot, tired and not really in a great mood. I disagreed, told her she was making a mistake and signed the papers anyway. Then I went out for dinner with her and her boyfriend (shut up...I KNOW...that was stupid). Then I got pissed off and left...briefly considered shooting them (but only in the butt with an air rifle (repetitively) from a raised and concealed position)...The next morning, after a sleepless night in a roach motel, I met her for a good, American, very non-Saudi breakfast and then headed for New Orleans. There I spent a drunken week with a great friend going between Bourbon street, The Garden District and a tattoo parlor...after all that...TRUST ME folks, I dealt with the damn divorce, and my feelings for her are about as romantic as getting kicked in the face repetitively.
That brings me to my real point. I dealt with the divorce, I never dealt with the ramifications of it. Do you have any idea what it's like to sort out 9 years of memories? The human mind is phenomenal for its ability to look back on a situation and show you only the good. What's been hanging around my head, that I didn't deal with until today was that it was over. Not the romance mind you, but all the other stuff. All the good memories, all the firsts, the backyard BBQ's, all the relatives, the Christmas mornings, the Sleepwear that was literally the farthest thing from sexy but the closest thing to adorably cute. The first night we brought the puppy home or the time when my 100 lbs Black lab was so small that she walked from my shoulder to my other shoulder by climbing over my head. The football games, the baseball games, the hockey games and the long bar nights after them. We used to spend weekends doing DIY projects, having champagne brunches, driving random places and exploring.