#1. Lets talk about Marriage...
First off you should know that I have a strong marriage, always have. I had dated and been involved seriously before I met my wife. I knew who I was, and was happy with it before I met my wife. I was happy just being by myself. When I met my wife, I just knew. No really, I did, I just knew.
Secondly you should know that I don't get jealous, of course some things bother me now and again, but I just don't get worried about it. If someone is going to cheat or betray your trust, they're just going to do it, being paranoid about it helps nothing and hurts everything. Throughout my marriage, people have questioned me about leaving my wife alone for days on end while I was at work, leaving for a 24 hour shift, her doing midnight checks on clients with police officers (generally considered the horniest public servants known to man) and how I could go through these things without worrying. I always just laughed and said "if she's gonna cheat, she could do it anyway. I wouldn't marry a woman I had to babysit".
So keeping those things in mind, imagine that when I came here, the last thing on my list of concerns was my marriage. However, seclusion and loneliness along with boredom and high stress, have a way of seriously screwing with your head.
About 3 months in, I began to think my wife was acting funny, about 4 months in I KNEW she was acting funny. I was going crazy with worry, with fear, with...everything! I began checking phone records, and monitoring online activity, I checked bank accounts, verified things she said she did, in short I began getting super paranoid and a "wee bit" out of control. Midway through month 4, I really began the fighting and the arguing and the interrogating. Probably best actually, if I'd held it in any longer I could have gone completely off the deep end. The really funny part is that I never really thought she was cheating, I never really got upset that she was, even if she was, which she wasn't. What I did get upset about however was that I felt like she was disinterested in me, in us, and didn't understand how hard this place could be, didn't care really. I felt like I was losing my wife, not to another man as much as to the world at large. In a way I was.
Male and Female humans are not biologically designed to be alone. That's why were not asexual as some plants are. In order to reproduce and therefore ensure the survival of our species, (which we are biologically programmed to do!) we must be together. Muses, Sages, Philosophers and holy men have always extolled the virtues of being alone, of meditation, of seclusion. They claim that it helps you to hear and become closer to the voice of God, the Universe, Nature, the Planet etc...I agree and I disagree, I think it allows for self reflection but at the same time invites a form of near schizophrenia. The thoughts in your head become "the voices in your head"; And as we all know, voices in your head aren't usually a good thing.
So now, approaching 6 months, I can tell you that my wife and I are fine, better than fine really, stronger than before. Was she cheating?-Naw. Was she acting strange?-Nope, I was. Was She changing and growing without me?-Yup, and its a phenomenon well documented by the US military in regards to combat deployed troops. As soon as you leave, the "little lady" has to find ways to survive without you, knowing you might die at any moment, she learns how to turn a wrench, get her oil changed, take care of all the household and landscaping duties, take care of the bills. She finds new friends some of them men, she learns how to get out of bed without needing you, how to go to bed without crying in loneliness. She learns how to move on with life, while on the other hand, you just try unsuccessfully to push pause on yours. So am I good again then?-For now, and now I know the warning signs of nutty behavior. I still miss her though, and still feel like she's moving on while I'm on pause.