Read Me/Disclaimer

Read Me/Disclaimer: This is a non-political/socio-political blog. It's a running tale of my Saudi Arabian adventure, great, good, bad, and ugly. It is uncensored, and I don't really care what you think of it, read it or don't. I don't care. I did not decide to do this as a means to an end, but rather to document the means with which I occupied my time while waiting for my end... All that being said, I'm an American Expat in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. The opportunity to help build this system and the salary that accompanied it were to good to pass up.-Geoff

"The views presented here are just the views of some asshole named Geoff, they are not necessarily the views of my employer, my co-workers, my family or anybody else. First hand knowledge and second hand accounts were used to compile the information. These are not scientific facts and figures. These views are not necessarily supported, endorsed or even appreciated by the KSA the USA or any other country for that matter and the author makes absolutely no claim that they are."**

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Pimps on Parade

There are a few strange and yet interesting Saudi phenomenons, this one seems especially present here in the Eastern Region...Mall cops...butt of the joke the world over, here in Saudi these guys really think they're something special.  And they are...they're the gatekeepers to the women...

First of all they wear a uniform that could easily be confused with the worlds toughest Special Forces (Is that a Navy SEAL?  An SAS commando?  A Green Beret?  Nope...its a Saudi Mall Cop who makes about SR3000 a month, has no education and sticks needles in his ass to help those muscles along...).  mall cops in Saudi are plentiful, but not for reasons you may think.  Not in order to make sure the Sunni-Shia conflict never spills over, not to ensure the safety of Western businessmen, not to ensure the safety of the people and not to ensure that the few extremist elements never get out of hand...oh no, these guys have a much more important keep men and women separate!  This "job" puts them in a powerful position...basically they spend their shift texting, smoking, drinking "Bario", and every now and again pow-wowing/hob-nobbing with the boys from the "PVPC or Prevention of Virtue and Promotion of Vice"...The "Mutt's" as I affectionately refer to them. 

These guys are completely responsible for making sure that single men (who aren't their friends at least)  stay out of the mall, where they might have the opportunity to secretly communicate with women.  And OK, you know what? Once again its not my country, if that's what you want to do,  its fine by me.  But don't expect me to ignore it.  Or ignore the fact that these testosterone needle freaks spend their entire "shift" screwing around and flirting with women or harassing the single men who were old enough to tell them to screw off at the door.  These guys love their job so much that they come in to flirt help out on their day off!  Check out their picture..."shorts" has got a total hard-on for me, no matter where I sit with my food this dip-shit finds me and says in semi understandable English "you move, family section!".  The last time he did it, I just looked at him and said "what?  mafi Arabi", he said it again, and I said loudly and slowly, "what language are you trying to speak?".  Finally I got tired of screwing with him and pointed at him and said "you show me where to sit!"  He didn't get it until I followed him with my tray and then was all sorts of embarrassed and flustered and pointed to the worker section.  I laughed and went and sat back down 1 table away from where I was sitting before.  This seemed to please him and his "guard" friends, as they all laughed and high fived each other.  "Big man, tell Ameriki what to do!" or something like that I imagine.  That was about 2 months ago, and while I haven't really pushed his invisible boundary, he hasn't had the sack to come back over to my table yet...maybe the roids shrunk it...


  1. I thought they changed that rule a while ago? Are you still being shown out? Why don't you just tell them that the ban on single men has been lifted and continue without noticing them.

    P.S I always found it funny how the mall security are usually so tiny and scrawny like little mice, but with an ego of an elephant!

    1. They never try and stop me at the door, but all but the oldest of my students have difficulties entering any of the malls here in the East. And it is only the one who ever says anything to me, the rest just ignore me completely. I didn't realize that the ban had been lifted, maybe that's why I never noticed it when I was still in Riyadh. I can tell you though that whether its official or not, the ban here in the East is still enforced, especially against Saudi's.