Blah...Blah...Blah....Oh, oops. Sorry I was thinking about problems at work for a minute there. Lets discuss a topic near and dear to the hearts of my medic peeps. "Holding it together in the face of personal conflict." I've had occasion to think about this topic many times in my life, I've recently had good cause to ponder it again. I really believe that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it! (excuse me while I go vomit). Do you ever notice how when somebody, (sometimes me, often me) is really peppy and upbeat they say things like this? Every now and then though, no matter how peppy and upbeat you are, the bird does shit on you. It's inevitable, you can only have so much of a good run before you run out of gas, and some people always seem to be running out of gas! I'm not one of them, that's not my lot in life, my lot is to get caught doing the dumb thing, or the thing that everybody else does that gets ignored right up until the time I do it. For example one time, at one place, in one town when we were kids, we would throw rotten apricots from the trees in our yards at cars, my friends could throw apricots all day, all that ever happened was the car would swerve a little bit, the driver would honk and swear, and all the kids would giggle...right up until the time I did it, then the car crashed into the tree and the very mean lady started screaming "get the fu$# over here you little S*%@!". That's my lot, always has been, always will be. I also tend to see the world through rose colored glasses, I don't get depressed, I don't get worn out, I don't see problems, I see solutions. Every now and then though, its my turn on the wheel of shit in the game show of life and my glasses fall off, or I finally see not only the problems, but the full magnitude of the problems. And usually when I do, I flip---albeit just for a second, but I flip, and I just let all the little things I've been ignoring and blowing off for the past year or so come right up from the pit in my stomach where they've been hiding to my mouth where they exit promptly so as not to have to go through my brain. Ever been at the office and heard anyone shout "My personal life, or personal problems are none of your f-ing business!" at the top of their really good lungs? Ever wonder what the hell was going on? Ever realize a second later that those were your not all to shabby lungs providing that bellow as those words flew out of your mouth?. Yeah me neither, I was a Marine and a Sailor, I don't say "F-ing". Then you spend the next 5 minutes trying to explain that you are calm, and that if everybody would just do their job, everything would work out just fine! The 5 minutes after that are spent saying, no I'm fine, I really don't want to talk about it. My medic friends get this because this is their life, sometimes because of horrible stuff they saw at work, but more often because they have to go pick up some poor sap right after their wife just told them the rent check bounced, or she's going to stay with her sister for a week, or she's pregnant, (yes she knows you had a vasectomy, but sometimes it slips through!). Or right before you go out on a serious call you're on the phone with your kids principal saying "What!" "he did What!" "with WHO!". Its part of the job, it happens, you put your shit back together, get your head screwed on straight and go do what needs to be done. This is a different society though, its an in'shallah society, and they let most things, and most problems just run off their backs. My pleasant little outburst however will get remembered for awhile, and it makes me look bad, emotional, and like somebody who is failing. I'd love to blame it on the situation, I'd love to blame it on the other half of the problem, maybe the other 3/4 of the problem, but nope its mine...all mine...FML The worst part is, I normally take ownership of my mistakes. Not everybody does, but one of the few really good habits I picked up as I matured was ownership of my own problems. Of course ownership requires analysis, analysis of ones many facets, of ones particular brand of bullshit, and ones demons. Thought I had all of my shit pretty much under control, head screwed on straight, demons known and partially exercised, recognition of my own stupid self in the mirror and a keen sense of smell. Looks like I missed something, looks like I need to get my shit back under control. Great...Oh yeah, one of the other little motivational phrases I love to spout off is Ghandi's "Be the change you want to see in the world", or even better in this situation, you must understand that you can only be responsible for you which leads into the serenity prayer, which all leads to straighten yourself out, trust in God, and don't waste time worrying about things you can't change...Yeah, those things go over great with a control freak like me...WTF...FML...
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