Read Me/Disclaimer

Read Me/Disclaimer: This is a non-political/socio-political blog. It's a running tale of my Saudi Arabian adventure, great, good, bad, and ugly. It is uncensored, and I don't really care what you think of it, read it or don't. I don't care. I did not decide to do this as a means to an end, but rather to document the means with which I occupied my time while waiting for my end... All that being said, I'm an American Expat in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. The opportunity to help build this system and the salary that accompanied it were to good to pass up.-Geoff

"The views presented here are just the views of some asshole named Geoff, they are not necessarily the views of my employer, my co-workers, my family or anybody else. First hand knowledge and second hand accounts were used to compile the information. These are not scientific facts and figures. These views are not necessarily supported, endorsed or even appreciated by the KSA the USA or any other country for that matter and the author makes absolutely no claim that they are."**

Monday, July 16, 2012

Adventures in online dating...Part 1

**First of all, let me say this will be written in the old
"as I talk" fashion, second of all it might have its moments of vulgarity, but they are designed to be humerus, not hurtful or ugly and definitely not hostile.  All that being said, after just a few hours of playing in the online dating swimming pool, all I have to say is ROFLMFAO!, oh and "I peed in your pool" (metaphorically)**

I don't even know where to begin...I used a major US service that I won't mention here.  It actually cost money, I figured if it costs money, it must be good right?...yeah...not so much.  Apparently it matches based pretty much on looks and what your "looking" for alone.  I'm not so self abusive that I deliberately pick ugly girls, so the first batch of "matches" that it sent me were some pretty attractive women...that I HAD NOTHING IN COMMON WITH! and even specifically said they weren't looking for people like me!  Apparently though the system is "intelligent" so after sorting through about 100 of the prettiest over-ripened fruit or damaged cans out there, it finally started getting realistic.  So lets start at the beginning I guess:

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies:

The entire headline and intro paragraphs are some of the most creative lies I've ever read.  "Career oriented" instead of "works too hard for shit money".  "Driven" Vs. "obsessive and aggressive bitch that nobody likes".  "Goal oriented" rather than "I'm still chasing something that's just out of my reach, and I haven't gotten anywhere near a happy equilibrium in my life"...So lets put it all together  what I read was "I am a career oriented woman driven to reach her goals."  what I heard was "I'm a 30 something, who works a shit job, has no idea what I want, but push everybody out of the way to get it, because I know that if I can just get more money and a better job life will be perfect!"  The problem with this is that the world changed while you weren't looking sweetheart, probably while you were still in college (the first time) doing a keg stand at your boyfriends frat house (I know, I was there!).  Working harder to buy more stuff will fail you, if you are one of the few who do get that'll discover the same thing I'll find yourself sitting and asking, while munching on your carrot...what the hell was I working so damn hard for??? This??? WTF???  

A picture is worth a thousand words

So while everybody lies in the "about me" section they for the most part seem to tell the truth in their pictures...Holy Hell people!  First a word of advice, take your camera and a few outfits and have a friend take some pictures of you specifically for this purpose.  No more "bathroom mirror smart phone shots", and God help you if you do, please clean the bathroom first!  Hmm...lets see, Hot girl, downward angle photo, looking good so far...oh wait is that a turd in the toilet?  Seriously?  Did she take a shit before her little homemade photo shoot?  Or even funnier, the underwear and bra laying on the floor, nothing like saying hi the first time knowing that she's got "hello kitty" on underneath.  The underwear is supposed to be a big surprise for further on down the road. 

My other favorites were the ex-boyfriend crop out photo, or the one with the girl in the middle of a group of about 5-10 guys with the caption (they're just friends!).  OK even IF that's true, it's not a good thing.  It says a lot about you, it says that either you must be nuts, you must stink, or maybe they're friends now, but once..., it says either one of those things, or it says you're an attention whore that nobody wanted to date, who doesn't care if she tramples all over another woman's place, because at least one or two of those guys had a girlfriend or wife that you disregarded enough to take a picture squeezed up next to her're lucky their girlfriends are pussy's.  The girls I grew up with and have dated would have shanked your skinny ass for that!

The lady doth protest too much, me thinks

"I'm not some kind of skank", "I want a real Gentleman, not some jerk who doesn't open my doors", "I don't need you, I can take care of me and my 3 kids all by myself!".  I'm independent, and I'm in school, I expect to meet an independent man who knows what he wants, makes good money owns his own house and doesn't plan on living off of me!".  OK this last one, seriously?  I don't even know where to begin.   If your so independent, who cares what I do for a living or how much money I make, and why do I need my own house?  and what kind of guys are you dating that try and live off of you?  And no, actually you're not independent, you're a student.  You're independent after you graduate and get a job (a real one, not the sports bar).  Then give it 2-3 years of hard knocks.  Still standing?  NOW you're independent princess.  Don't worry though you've got a pretty good rack, I'm sure by then you'll have been married, had 2 kids and won't still be on  At least not until you're divorced, living on Alimony because you never did finish that education or get a job, then you'll be back, but it'll be a whole new set of craziness and deceptions by then!

I'm recently divorced and have 4 kids, were a package deal.  

No shit?  You mean we can't just leave the kids on the side of the road?  I thought we could at least maybe send them off to boarding Siberia!  Of course you're a package deal honey.  Everybody knows that.  Nobody is surprised at all.  I sure as hell don't need you telling me that if we do really like each other, I'm gonna end up paying for the kids until their 25.  Their dad's a deadbeat with a temper...yeah I know.  He doesn't have a regular job with insurance...yeah, yeah I know, he'll always be late on child support...yeah I know...He's still their dad though...yeah I know,  I'm just their friend....yeah I know.  (click!  skip and see next match)  Now the funny, obnoxious, rude and uncaring part aside, let me say this.  What the hell is wrong with the world that a couple can decide to have 2-5 kids (that's what I saw today), and then while the kids are still in early grade school say "ah to hell with it, I'm gonna wipe the slate clean!  Oops!  This isn't what I wanted!  Seriously?  Are you guys on crack?  Are you really that selfish?  WTF.  I'm sorry to be so judgmental, but I'm in the Middle East right now and they accuse us in the West of having no family values...well no shit, it looks like their right!  Your parents lied, you can't have it all, you can't be an Astronaut, you won't be the President.  Those things required planning and dedication at a much earlier age then your thirties!  It is now too late, You're 33, and you're a spoiled brat with the most unrealistic of expectations, 4 kids?  No dear, you have 5 or I will if I'm stupid enough to send you a message!

**Stay tuned for more interesting updates from the land of I came to Saudi a husband and father and am leaving divorced and playing the online dating game...F-ing embarrassing!**

**Oh and if you're looking for me online, just look under the profile name "Gorgeous George" "6'5 gorgeous muscle bound brilliant, superman genius who is independently wealthy seeks hot chick...FML**


  1. I gave up on online dating about a year ago. The pool for my ummm, tastes, is very shallow, and when you start using criteria like non mouth breather it gets even more shallow. So are you looking for a woman in Saudi or are you looking for something for when you get back? If you're looking while over there isn't it impossible with all the restrictions? Also, I love looking at the pictures to try and get some insight. Lot's of dirty clothes on the floor. Unmade beds. Dirty bathrooms with crap all spread over the counters. Some people have no class.

    1. Once you whittle down all the weirdos I think the pool is pretty damn shallow for all of us. I'm looking for something for when I get back I guess. I like being away and seeing new things, but at heart I will always be an American and within the next few years will want to be back in my own country, at least for a good portion of the time. There are multiple problems with dating over here and they pretty much go in this order. #1: It's pretty much illegal #2: Eastern Vs. Western gets pretty different. Marriages are still very arranged here, a dowry must still be paid, and the pool for "western women" gets VERY shallow, very quickly. As a friend of mine said (female), I'd be more likely to meet someone if they thought I was just cheating on my wife at home than if I was single. #3: I don't want to be rude, but I don't want someone who is "passport shopping", especially with the relative differences in the way couples "court" each other in the East Vs. the West. How would you ever know if she loved you or loved that blue passport of yours. I know how horrible that sounds, but I'd be a little bit skeptical of an Arab woman who suddenly wanted to marry me. As to arranging a marriage, well I'm not Muslim so even if I wanted someone to hook me up, nobody would/could and even if I was, I'm not paying a dowry. In Saudi that dowry runs about 100k SAR-250k SAR ( 26k-52k USD) I'm not "buying" a wife, not even gonna consider it, tradition be damned.

      I decided to add this in: 2 things, first of all from what I've been told, Arab women are beautiful, I wouldn't know...I haven't seen one! They do however have pretty eyes, but I generally try and follow the rules and not look. Also one of the very unfortunate aspects of this society is that while divorce is on the rise and is nearing western levels, divorced women are very rarely allowed to remarry and if they do it is usually as a second, third or fourth wife, I've been told that when this happens, the girls parents often end up raising the children from a previous marriage as the ex-husband does not want them and neither does the new husband. I really try and follow the mantra of look, listen, understand and respect a new cultures beliefs, but this is asinine. It seems that there is probably an entire sub culture of divorced Saudi/Arab women who cannot remarry. The one caveat to this is that if the woman is a widow, then any man taking her and her children in to be a wife is seen as a hero and a very good man...I'm definitely not in the states anymore!